An approach to raising children.

 

 

The Difference Between Punishment and Consequences

Finally! I have had an epiphany! I have always wondered what the difference between punishment and consequences were! After finding myself at a loss when it comes to teaching my kids how to behave and after much reading and thought on this issue, I've finally come to the conclusion that punishments and negative consequences are not necessarily synonymous. While punishment might be a consequence of an undesired behavior, a consequence isn't always a punishment. For example, if my child doesn't study for an important test, a possible consequence is that he will make a failing grade. I can take it a step further and decide to punish him by taking away privileges such as games or television.

After reading this article (and quite a few others) about the difference between punishment and consequences, I concluded that a lot of it really is determined by the intent of the parent and the way the consequence is doled out. I loved the table that showed precisely what the differences between the two are. Consequences teach, are given with empathy, relate directly to the actual behavior, and teach kids to take responsibility for their own choices. Isn't this what we all want?! That's what I'm striving for daily, although I must confess that I often miss the mark. Hopefully, I'm not the only one :) Punishments are about controlling behavior and are often arbitrary. They leave kids feeling helpless and focus on the actual punishment rather than the student's choices.

The same result could be either a punishment or a consequence depending on how it is delivered. So, here were two examples given in the article.

Infraction: Child avoids doing work
Punishment: "You're not doing your work again! No break today!"
Consequence: "Are you using your time wisely? You have a choice. It is very important that you finish your work during the allotted class time or it will have to be finished during break."

Infraction: Child blurts out or talks over others

Punishment: "Stop shouting out! That's a conduct mark for you."

Consequence: "It isn't your turn to talk right now. Everyone has the right to learn, and when you shout out answers it disrupts other people's thinking. That shows disrespect to your classmates. Please work on being more respectful." (in this case the consequence is actually a talk from the teacher, but it directs the student to think about others, focusing on his/her behavior.)

While both the punishments and the consequences in the above examples might be considered "negative" depending on the personality of the child, there is a HUGE difference in the thought process behind them and the results of each one.

So, Consequences or Punishment? That depends on what the parent is trying to teach the child--to have self-control and make good decisions, or to do as he's told or else. I know what I'm striving for.